“To This Day” by Shane Koyczan

The animated video seen in the last half of this TED Talk was popular not too long ago, but there is a larger story leading up to what turns into the most intense portion of Koyczan’s spoken-word poem.

In his talk, Koyczan addresses bullying, specifically during childhood, and its lasting impact. There are a number of things in his spoken-word that stood out to me:

In the beginning, Koyczan says, “I was being told to accept the identity that others had given me.” At this moment, he is discussing goals and dreams, career aspirations. This statement is all too applicable to many people and to many topics.

There are thousands of classifications in this world: man-made groups that we have created so that we can neatly categorize people into what we think they are, because this need exists to create a structure that we can better understand, based on income, race, ethnicity, sexual orientation, gender, age, health, intelligence, etc. … and then we think we know someone. So when you’re viewed a certain way, as belonging to a particular classification, how do you step outside of those boundaries? There is a pressure to conform to how society views you and an everlasting desire to show the world that you are more than that perception.

Another beautiful statement by Koyczan is this, “I will love myself despite the ease with which I lean toward the opposite.” This quote really speaks for itself, so I will only add this: Self-love is challenging, no doubt about it, but don’t be afraid to accept that challenge and win.

Finally, I want to touch on this, a quote heard during the animated video: “‘ Get over it,’ as if depression is anything that can be remedied by the contents of a first-aid kit.” Many people don’t understand that mental health issues are not like the common cold; you don’t just tough it out for a couple days and then you’re suddenly as good as new. Many physical illnesses aren’t even that simple, so why would mental health be something that can just be “gotten over?” It also reminded me of something I read earlier, from the organization Active Minds, Inc.: “You’d never say, ‘it’s just diabetes, get over it.’ Fight the stigma surrounding mental illness.”

I encourage you to watch this TED Talk if you haven’t already; Shane Koyczan’s message is powerful and delivered beautifully.

http://www.pleaselikeme.org/

Wonderful.

Mental Health is Everywhere

Since the moment my passion for mental health advocacy was sparked, I have looked for ways to apply my knowledge of mental health everywhere. Seriously. I just want to share information. I want others to share my passion. But you know what? It doesn’t take much searching – every day things come up that make me think – “That’s a stigma.” “I want to change that.” “Why do we think this way?”

I’ve recently gotten hooked on the show The Killing. I was watching it just now, nearly the end of the second season, and there’s a scene in which two political opponents are talking. A few weeks prior to this talk, one had attempted suicide. His opponent found out and threatened to release the information to the public, telling him, “The whole country will know what a coward you are.” And in my mind, I’ve stopped thinking about what implications this has for the show. I’m just going, “STIGMA STIGMA STIGMA.”

Cowardice.

That is only one of the many associations people often make to suicide. Does cowardice have anything but a negative connotation? I didn’t think so.

Suicide is a very complex matter, and should never be reduced to simple, negative associations. It’s no wonder people don’t feel comfortable talking about it.

Later in this episode, however, the man who attempted suicide tells his ex-girlfriend about it, and she says, “You have nothing to be ashamed of.” That. That is the appropriate reaction. Shame should not have to be a component of talking about suicide.

Now, I’m realistic, and I realize that shame will always exist. But it’s a shame that it does.

“More than anything, people want to feel heard and understood.”

When You Find Yourself in Those “Now What?” Moments

As a teenager and young adult, we reach many “ends” in our lives. Some of these are easily followed by new beginnings – finish middle school, go to high school; complete driver’s ed, begin driving. Other ends, however, just seem like dead ends, with nothing new in sight. A relationship (of any kind) ends, our interests just don’t seem… interesting, we pick majors in college that make us miserable, and the list goes on. And every time, we ask: “Now what?”

The answer? Forward, always forward. Remember that it may be an end, but it is not the end.

Easier said than done, I know. So, how do you deal?

1. Don’t be ashamed that you’re going to have to make some changes.

Let’s say you’re in college. You’ve decided to major in biology because, hey, it’s pretty interesting, all of your friends are also taking the science route, and your family is really impressed that you want to do research. Then just one semester in, and you’re already thinking, “What am I doing?!” You’ve reached an end with that interest. So now you need to find something new, but what is everyone going to think? Put that out of your mind, and remember: this is your decision, and it is impacting your life. Don’t let shame get in the way of pursuing something that will make you happier. Who knows, some changes may even lead you to finding your passion (and that is an awesome moment!).

2. Learn something from the experience that has ended.

You’re in that post-break-up time, and you’re struggling to imagine when you’ll either be happily single again or happily in a relationship with another person. How in the world are you going to move on from this end? There isn’t a simple solution, but one way to cope with the end of a meaningful experience is to take time to think about why it was such a meaningful experience. What did you learn? What would you have done differently? What would you not change? What do you hope to get out of your next experience? Answer questions like these, and you may go on to your next life event (whether it be a new relationship, a new job, etc.) with more insight and confidence on what you hope to gain from your new adventure.

3. Ask for help.

Chances are, friends and family have encountered the same “Now what?” moments. Ask for suggestions, and be open to them. Even if someone offers up something that just doesn’t “seem like you,” try it out! (Now there’s no need to do anything that you aren’t comfortable with, but if you are comfortable with a suggestion, go for it.)

So, how do you cope when you just don’t know what to do next?

“To judge a man by his weakest link or deed is like judging the power of the ocean by one wave.”

Crazy: A Father’s Search Through America’s Mental Health Madness

The other day, I realized: What better way to find out more information about mental health advocacy than to pick up a book (or two or three)? So I searched through the psychology section of Barnes & Noble and the only thing that seemed remotely related to the advocacy of reducing the stigmas surrounding mental health was this book. And I am so, so glad I found it. I haven’t even finished reading yet, and this has already been one of the most enlightening books I have ever read.

I have learned so many things while reading this book that I don’t think I can even sum it up all that well. (This post would turn into a book itself.) Pete Earley does an excellent job of investigating, and then writing about, his experiences with his mentally ill son and with the treatment of mentally ill patients through America’s legal system.

I encourage everyone to read it.

“Mental illness is nothing to be ashamed of, but stigma and bias shame us all.” – Bill Clinton

Mental Health for All by Involving All

In this video, Vikram Patel, a psychiatrist, discusses a method for getting everyone the help they need by getting “ordinary people” (i.e., not specialists) involved.

My sidenote:
Another way to help: Reach out.
Ask someone how they’re doing – how they’re really doing.
Sometimes simply knowing someone cares and is willing to listen can be the biggest help of all.

An Example

Any time I have to see a doctor, the following inevitably happens:

A nurse takes my blood pressure, draws blood, or does all those other things nurses do; meanwhile, I don’t pay attention. This is all typically routine (except for drawing blood… and in that case I’m definitely not going to pay attention or they’re going to end up with a passed-out patient.) Then somewhere in the middle of all this routine stuff, I realize a nurse is pointing at my arm and staring at me. Most recently, one laughed awkwardly as she continued to stare. It takes me a minute to remember that I have these scars on my arms that most people automatically assume are from cutting myself (they’re not, but that’s another story). So, without any prompting by an actual question because the nurse seems to have forgotten how to talk, I explain my actual story. But then I’m irritated.

I imagine the patients that actually do or have cut themselves, and I feel so bad that that is the reaction they get from medical professionals. This is a prime example of the stigma surrounding mental health – no one wants to talk about it. They want to talk about you, but they don’t want to talk to you. 

If I actually had cut myself, and that was the reaction I got from people, (especially in the medical field) I certainly would feel anything but comfortable.

That kind of reaction results in silence.
That kind of reaction results in no help being provided.
And that kind of reaction needs to stop.