Mental Health is Everywhere

Since the moment my passion for mental health advocacy was sparked, I have looked for ways to apply my knowledge of mental health everywhere. Seriously. I just want to share information. I want others to share my passion. But you know what? It doesn’t take much searching – every day things come up that make me think – “That’s a stigma.” “I want to change that.” “Why do we think this way?”

I’ve recently gotten hooked on the show The Killing. I was watching it just now, nearly the end of the second season, and there’s a scene in which two political opponents are talking. A few weeks prior to this talk, one had attempted suicide. His opponent found out and threatened to release the information to the public, telling him, “The whole country will know what a coward you are.” And in my mind, I’ve stopped thinking about what implications this has for the show. I’m just going, “STIGMA STIGMA STIGMA.”

Cowardice.

That is only one of the many associations people often make to suicide. Does cowardice have anything but a negative connotation? I didn’t think so.

Suicide is a very complex matter, and should never be reduced to simple, negative associations. It’s no wonder people don’t feel comfortable talking about it.

Later in this episode, however, the man who attempted suicide tells his ex-girlfriend about it, and she says, “You have nothing to be ashamed of.” That. That is the appropriate reaction. Shame should not have to be a component of talking about suicide.

Now, I’m realistic, and I realize that shame will always exist. But it’s a shame that it does.

When You Find Yourself in Those “Now What?” Moments

As a teenager and young adult, we reach many “ends” in our lives. Some of these are easily followed by new beginnings – finish middle school, go to high school; complete driver’s ed, begin driving. Other ends, however, just seem like dead ends, with nothing new in sight. A relationship (of any kind) ends, our interests just don’t seem… interesting, we pick majors in college that make us miserable, and the list goes on. And every time, we ask: “Now what?”

The answer? Forward, always forward. Remember that it may be an end, but it is not the end.

Easier said than done, I know. So, how do you deal?

1. Don’t be ashamed that you’re going to have to make some changes.

Let’s say you’re in college. You’ve decided to major in biology because, hey, it’s pretty interesting, all of your friends are also taking the science route, and your family is really impressed that you want to do research. Then just one semester in, and you’re already thinking, “What am I doing?!” You’ve reached an end with that interest. So now you need to find something new, but what is everyone going to think? Put that out of your mind, and remember: this is your decision, and it is impacting your life. Don’t let shame get in the way of pursuing something that will make you happier. Who knows, some changes may even lead you to finding your passion (and that is an awesome moment!).

2. Learn something from the experience that has ended.

You’re in that post-break-up time, and you’re struggling to imagine when you’ll either be happily single again or happily in a relationship with another person. How in the world are you going to move on from this end? There isn’t a simple solution, but one way to cope with the end of a meaningful experience is to take time to think about why it was such a meaningful experience. What did you learn? What would you have done differently? What would you not change? What do you hope to get out of your next experience? Answer questions like these, and you may go on to your next life event (whether it be a new relationship, a new job, etc.) with more insight and confidence on what you hope to gain from your new adventure.

3. Ask for help.

Chances are, friends and family have encountered the same “Now what?” moments. Ask for suggestions, and be open to them. Even if someone offers up something that just doesn’t “seem like you,” try it out! (Now there’s no need to do anything that you aren’t comfortable with, but if you are comfortable with a suggestion, go for it.)

So, how do you cope when you just don’t know what to do next?

An Example

Any time I have to see a doctor, the following inevitably happens:

A nurse takes my blood pressure, draws blood, or does all those other things nurses do; meanwhile, I don’t pay attention. This is all typically routine (except for drawing blood… and in that case I’m definitely not going to pay attention or they’re going to end up with a passed-out patient.) Then somewhere in the middle of all this routine stuff, I realize a nurse is pointing at my arm and staring at me. Most recently, one laughed awkwardly as she continued to stare. It takes me a minute to remember that I have these scars on my arms that most people automatically assume are from cutting myself (they’re not, but that’s another story). So, without any prompting by an actual question because the nurse seems to have forgotten how to talk, I explain my actual story. But then I’m irritated.

I imagine the patients that actually do or have cut themselves, and I feel so bad that that is the reaction they get from medical professionals. This is a prime example of the stigma surrounding mental health – no one wants to talk about it. They want to talk about you, but they don’t want to talk to you. 

If I actually had cut myself, and that was the reaction I got from people, (especially in the medical field) I certainly would feel anything but comfortable.

That kind of reaction results in silence.
That kind of reaction results in no help being provided.
And that kind of reaction needs to stop.

Mental Health Awareness

I’ve always had a genuine concern for others’ well-being, but it wasn’t until recently that I discovered a true passion in advocating for the reduction (or elimination!) of the stigma surrounding mental health. This passion has grown over the past few months, and if I am ever procrastinating on homework, you can bet I am scouring the internet for information on mental health advocacy. Since I have done so much internet searching, I have known for awhile that the month of May is Mental Health Awareness Month (recently made national by President Obama*), and I am going to take this time to start my process of learning about/promoting mental health awareness.

So, here is my blog, as a means of sharing what I am learning about both psychology and mental health. My first original post: on a personal goal of mine.

Goal: Judge less.

This is something I have to actively pursue. But it’s worth the effort. I used to think I was soooo nonjudgmental (all up on that high horse). But I wasn’t (and I’m still not). Recently, however, I have been fortunate enough to get to know some people who I had initially passed harsh judgment on. And guess what? They are perfectly wonderful people, with struggles both similar and different from my own.

Not that this is any justification, but it’s a natural reaction to judge people either based on appearance or their actions. However, it is always possible to take a step back and think, wait…I don’t even know them.

So, before I start passing judgment on someone’s actions (and appearance), I take a minute to collect my thoughts:

• I have no idea what his/her personal life is like (including both past and present events). 
• I don’t know his/her thoughts behind those actions.
• There are people out there who judge me, because my actions don’t make sense to them.
  
• Does it affect me? Does it really matter?
• And admittedly, most of the time, it’s pure jealousy.

Everyone is dealing with something, whether they want to talk about it or not. So before I start making assumptions, I take into consideration that maybe they are just really having a hard time, and one of the best things you can do for someone in a tough situation is just show them some kindness (not judgmental looks).

*http://www.whitehouse.gov/the-press-office/2013/04/30/presidential-proclamation-national-mental-health-awareness-month-2013